Returning from Maternity leave

Second time maternity leave, yes it was hectic, two kids, one 3 years and the other newborn… life was so hectic and I felt like I did not exist. I existed only as a mother, a mother for my kids and a wife for my spouse. There were constant demands to change diapers, to feed, to bathe and to cook and to rock them to sleep and then the next day all over again.. it was a constant roller coster, not to mention that I enjoyed it fully, probably not the ‘every bit of it’ because that would be too cliche.

So after 6 months of changing diapers, breastfeeding, rocking a newborn to sleep, feeding and handling the tantrums of a three year old — I was finally getting ready to go back to work! I was excited and worried at the same time.

I had two worries, one about abandoning my current full-on mom role, the fuzzy over thinking, over worried kind that wants to get everything right for her kids. Second was going back and fitting to my old career role, to the passionate commited person I was who wants to get stuff done.

My husband was taking parental leave for four months as I return so I had a bit of a relief on my first worry, that he is taking charge. He is an amazing dad, who does everything around the house without complaning. But like any mom I had my doubts, would he feed the baby on time like I do? would he let him get enough exercises like I do? Would he talk to him enough and engage with him like I do? but then it hit me, the answer is always going to be no, he would do things his own way, differently but that does not mean it is wrong. I realised I would have to let those troubles to rest and trust him with the little one, he is the dad, what he does is good for the baby. Easier said than done, this took me some time to adjust to, one week down now I have learnt to let the daddy do it his way and help him out when he needs.

Then the next set of fears, can I go back to work with 100% as I did before? Can I commit myself to all the meetings with a breastfed bub who is coming to me for a feed every 3 hours? can I give my all like I did before when I barely get any sleep at night? Can I sit in a meeting with a straight face when i hear a screaming baby downstairs, trusting my husband to take care of it? Well, I have done it for a week now, many more weeks to go, I cannot say I have been a perfect employee for the past week. I have had to reschedule a meeting because the bub wanted a feed in 2.5 hours instead of his usual three hours. I had to take longer lunch breaks as my husband needed time to eat and do a few things during the lunch break.

My conclusion is I have not achieved either of my roles 100% yet, I know it is not easy, Maybe I would never achieve 100% of either of the roles ever again, but what I have come to learn is, what matters is that I am trying. I am trying to be a good mom for my kids, a good partner for my husband, and a passionate and committed employee to my workplace and for my team. I will continue to try, and maybe one day I will look back and be happy with what I do today, and who it shapes me to be in future!

I thank my family, my kids who know nothing about their mom’s struggles, but warms my heart with their smiles, that gives me the energy of a hulk to carry on with what I do, and my husband who is my rock through thick and thin, my parents and in-laws who has been so much help.

I thank my team, my colleagues and everyone around me who help me knowingly and unknowingly. A simple “welcome back!” means a lot to me, a simple “I’ll take care of it” means so much to me, a lot more than it did before…

To all the amazing working mothers out there .. You got this!!